Loss can hit us without warning and knowing how to deal with loss can be very challenging. When we think of loss, we automatically think of bereavement and losing a person. There are lots of other things that come under the title of loss, for example:
- loss of a job
- loss of a relationship
- loss of ability to do things due to a serious illness
- loss of freedom – the current situation with lockdown
Questions raised by the loss
Loss of job
Will I get another one? How will I cope financially? What impact will this have on my life?
Loss of relationship
What did I do wrong? Why did this happen to me? Where did it go wrong? Will I find another relationship? How am I going to cope on my own or financially? Could I have dealt with it differently?
Loss of ability to do things due to serious illness
Am I still going to be able to do things? How am I going to cope? How is this going to impact my family?
Loss of freedom
How am I going to cope? Why can’t I go out? What can I do to get through this?
As you can see loss creates lots of questions. At the time of the loss, we will not have the ability to answer these questions.
Stages of how to deal with the loss
As Kubler Ross model of grief shows, there are 5 stages of grief. Working through these stages will help you to deal with the loss. They do not necessarily come in a fixed order. Even though you have been through one stage, something could happen that results in you revisiting an earlier stage.
- Denial
- Anger
- Bargaining
- Depression
- Acceptance
Denial
You refuse to accept the facts and information relating to the loss. This is a natural defense mechanism. Some people get stuck at this stage if the loss is something they feel they can ignore. Why did this happen now and why me?
Anger
Anger can be towards yourself or others, especially people that are close to you. People can find the anger difficult to deal with and will not relate it to the loss that you are dealing with. Someone getting angry for no apparent reason can be hard for family and friends to deal with. Loss is normally the last thing that anger is associated with.
Bargaining
This is the stage where you think, if you hadn’t done something or had done something differently then the loss would not have happened. Bargaining can also be the stage where you try to negotiate a compromise so that things do not seem so bad.
Depression
It is normal to feel sad, upset, or uncertain after a loss. This is the beginning of the acceptance stage. This is where you will show your emotions relating to the loss. Being aware of your emotions at this time can be very important to prevent you from falling into full depression.
Acceptance
At this stage you start to plan new things after the loss, ie finding a new job, going out for the first time as a single person, going to places that you would have gone with the deceased person. This is the stage where you start to realise that despite the loss, life still has to go on.
If you are struggling to deal with loss, call Hilary on 07850 447585 or email hilary@lifebalancecounselling.net
