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Burnout and Stress – How to reduce it
Are you on the verge of burnout? Do you try to manage too many things at one time?
Are you aware that you are too busy or do you just keep going?
Do you feel pressure from employers or co-workers to work overtime?
Do you listen to your body, when it tells you it needs to rest? How do you look after your physical and mental well-being?
Does this sound like you? Sometimes we just keep going and ignore our body telling us that we need to slow down or take a break. We worry about what others think if we say we need a holiday or to take time out. However, it doesn’t matter what other people think, it’s about listening to your body. You need to be aware when it is saying, “Hey you, I need to recharge my batteries.” If you take time out to recharge, you will be able to keep going. If you don’t listen to your body, everything will come to a grinding halt.
It is important that you put the time in your weekly schedule to take care of your own mental and physical health. I run each week and this is what keeps my own physical and mental health in the right place to support my clients.
For tips on how to avoid stress and burnout click here
Picture by Tara Winstead
I need to change the way I do things.
Do you ever say to yourself, I need to change the way I do things, but do not understand what you need to change?
Be Perfect
Are you beating yourself with the ‘Be Perfect‘ stick? Do you put pressure on yourself every day to achieve something that is impossible? Perfection is not possible but being the best version of you is.
I have helped lots of clients who have a ‘be perfect’ driver. In your opinion, nothing you do is ever good enough. In actual fact, you are doing your best, but you still believe it is not good enough.
This results in everything that you do being seen as a failure. You never give yourself the praise you deserve for the things you have achieved. An example would be taking an exam and only getting a ‘B’ which is enough to get you through to the next level. You are not happy with this because it is not the top grade. You keep telling yourself, ‘I should have done better’.
When clients come to the counselling room with a be perfect driver, they will tell me “I fail at everything”. When we pick this statement apart, this is not the truth, just their opinion. Normally this statement means, I am not as good as I think I should be and I need to change.
Be the best version of you
We start to explore the things that the client feels they have failed at. We will look at the things that the client does on a day-to-day basis, and get them to write down things that they have well on that day. After a couple of weeks of doing this, you will start to see that you do, do things well. Quite often at the end of the day, someone will ask how has your day been, if something has gone wrong, we will focus on this one negative rather than the other ten positive things. When you’re next asked this question, before answering reflect on your whole day, what have I done today and try and tell them something that has gone well?
If you a friend came to you and said something had gone wrong, what would you say to a friend? “You did your best”. Would you say that to yourself, possibly not? Why are you treating yourself differently to your friends? There shouldn’t be 2 sets of rules. You wouldn’t be so harsh on other people, so why are you doing it to yourself?
Please Others
Do you agree to do something for someone else, then when the time comes around to do it, wonder why you agreed to do it? Then you beat yourself up for doing this.
Are you trying to please other people in order to be happy?
Why are you putting other people’s thoughts and feelings in front of your own?
Freda came to see me and was feeling very low. She explained that she never had time for herself and was always exhausted. We looked at the reasons for this. Fred thought, “I need to change”, but she didn’t know what she needed to change.
Freda was always saying ‘YES’ to help other people even though she didn’t really want to, both in work and social situations. Her workload was overwhelming whilst other colleagues seem to have plenty of time to do their own thing.
We explored why Freda felt the need to say ‘YES’ She felt that people wouldn’t like her if she didn’t do things for them. Freda was a PEOPLE PLEASER – are you a people pleaser? Why was she putting other people’s feelings in front of your own? She thought people would like her for the things she did, rather than the person she was. I reaffirmed that people would like her for the person she is.
How to stop pleasing others
The challenge was going to be the next time, someone asked Freda to do something for them. Freda was going to have to give herself a minute to think about the question and understand why she wanted to give her answer. Was she saying ‘yes’ because this was the default answer or, was she saying ‘yes’ because she wanted to help this person.
If she was saying ‘yes’ to please this person, how every difficult it felt, she was going to learn to say ‘NO’ The other person would not like this because they were used to Freda saying ‘yes’ At the time, it would feel awkward for Freda but later when she had less work, she would feel much better about herself. This is about learning to put yourself at the front of the queue, not behind other people. Self-care is the most important thing you can learn to do, if you don’t take care of yourself, who does?
Be Strong
Do you hide or control your feelings? Are you reluctant to ask for help? Do you put yourself in a position of being depended upon?
Are you shying away from telling people how you really feel? Do you believe you can carry on regardless of what is going on? When life gets tough, it is ok to hold your hands up and say I am struggling at the moment. I am finding balancing all these things difficult. Do you shy away from asking for help as you see it as a sign of weakness? It does not mean you are weak or a failure. It means you are a human being and struggling with your feelings and emotions. This will probably resonate with more men than women.
What scares you about asking for help? At the end of the day, you are only human and are affected by the same feelings and emotions as females. No doubt you watch what you eat, which looks after your physical health. You probably also take part in regular exercise to support your physical health too. Over the last few years, it has become acceptable for men to use skincare products, where you look after the outside of your body. Why shouldn’t you give the same care to your mental wellbeing?
Do you have a tendency not to realise how tired, or hungry, or ill you feel, but instead ‘keep going’? Do you prefer to do things on your own?
Stop trying to be strong
“I can do this” how many times do people say this to themselves, despite being on their last legs? I can’t ask for help, what will people think of me? People will view me as weak if I ask for help. If someone asked you for help, would you see them as weak? More than likely not. You would quite happily help them.
If I do things on my own, I am in control and people will think I am coping. Are you really? The downside to this is, people think you are coping when in actual fact, you are struggling to manage your emotions. Telling yourself you have to BE STRONG is very damaging. You can end up in a very lonely place because it is easier to cut off your emotions than deal with them. I need to change to stop feeling lonely.
Another downside to telling yourself you have to BE STRONG is the inability to delegate tasks. If you don’t delegate, you will become overwhelmed by the amount of work that you have to do. You feel it is better to become overwhelmed rather than share your true feelings with someone else.
Fear of rejection is a reason for you to tell yourself you have to BE STRONG. If I tell someone how I feel and they don’t react in the way I want to, that will be very hurtful.
Try Hard
Do you always say yes, if someone asks you to do something? Are you always telling yourself you need to do more? I need to be better …
Do you seem to be busy all the time, but never seem to actually achieve anything? Do you say I will try something rather than I will do it?
Do you crave praise but never actually appreciate it, when it is given?
Do you feel physically shattered because you are always trying to do everything?
Now is the time to stop. It is ok just to do the job, you don’t need to rush to complete it. Take your time and do the job properly. Take the pressure off yourself and enjoy what you are doing. Finish one job before starting another.
All these things will lead to physical burnout. Set yourself realistic targets rather than lining yourself up for a fail.
People will not think any more of you when you put yourself under this pressure. Do you every thing, I need to change to release this pressure.
Hurry Up
Do you try to do everything RIGHT NOW? Do you put yourself under unnecessary pressure to complete tasks immediately?
Please tell your HURRY UP driver to stop!!!!
It’s ok to take your time and complete the task when you have time. If you are trying to complete everything right now, do you give it your best attention?
Why are you trying to complete everything right now? What is the benefit to me of doing this? Absolutely nothing at all, other than raising your stress levels. I
How about taking your time, permitting yourself to do it when you have time. Do you give yourself permission to relax and enjoy the here and now or are you always moving on to the next thing.
Do you get any pleasure out of anything that you do? To start to get pleasure from the things I do, I need to change.
All these drivers, affect everything you do on a daily basis. Is it now time to take control of these drivers and learn how to do things differently? If you can see yourself in this blog, please feel free to contact me on 07850 447585 to learn how to change the things you do.
How Christmas can make you feel depressed ….
People think Christmas is a great time for everyone. Sadly, this is not necessarily true and this is how Christmas can make you feel depressed.
Christmas feelings
Christmas brings lots of emotions for people. A lot of people look forward to all the build-up of Christmas, ie shopping, wrapping presents, decorating the tree, etc. Even people who enjoy the build-up will have had a different experience this year. A lot of the shopping has taken place online this year and people haven’t necessarily got into the Christmas spirit. This is because they haven’t trudged round the shops, battling the crowds and taken in the Christmas atmosphere.
Office parties and Christmas jumper days will be different this year due to lockdown restrictions. Most office parties will be cancelled unless you work in an office of less than 6 and/or are lucky enough to be in tier 1. Some office parties have moved online, which will be a unique experience for Chrismas 2020.
In contrast to this, there are lots of people who struggle with Christmas. Some people have lost someone at this time of year and struggle to cope with the feelings they associate with Christmas and all its festivities. Other people feel pressure to provide a ‘perfect’ Christmas to their family. This comes with the pressure to find money to be able to provide presents that everyone wants. There is even more pressure this year with the uncertainty of jobs and what is currently happening and will continue to happen in 2021.
Another thing that causes distress at this time of year, is not having a family. As we have learnt in 2020 there are a lot of people out there who live on their own and do not have any extended family. Seeing other families getting together can be upsetting for these people.
How I have helped a client deal with these issues
A client came to me after the recent loss of their parent. They were struggling to deal with all their emotions and feeling associated with this loss. There was also the additional impact of Christmas being on the horizon. We began by discussing how this was affecting them on a daily basis. Some days they were coping and some days they were not managing simple tasks.
The client mentioned the guilt that they felt. We explored this guilt in much more depth. The client felt guilty because they believed they had not been the best child. I asked what made the client say this and their answer was quite shocking, but actually very common, they never felt good enough for their parent. How does a child feel, when they don’t feel good enough for their parent?
After further exploration with the client, it became apparent that the client was a ‘YES’ person. Rather than being a yes person, it is actually a ‘please others’ driver that the client has. This means that the client will please others to the detriment of themselves. If someone was asking the client to do something, both at work and personally, they were saying yes. This was despite already working full time, running a house, looking after a family, and supporting their parent prior to their death.
Learning to do things differently
After I explained this to the client, they was a light bulb moment, that I had described them perfectly. The client could start to see what they had been doing and was now starting the see the effect this was having on them. I asked the client to be aware of how they reacted to people when they were asked if they could do something. Were they doing it because they wanted to do it, or were they doing it because they thought it would please the other person and therefore they would like them?
At our next session, the client had been asked to do something by someone at work and they had said no. The other person wasn’t very happy but the client was delighted that they hadn’t taken more work on as they were already very busy. The client found this very empowering and could start to see how they need to value themselves as a person. The client realised that this was going to make Christmas more manageable as they wouldn’t be saying yes to all the family, they would be taking care of themselves and putting them at the front of the queue in a self-care way, not a selfish way.
As you can see this is how Christmas can make you feel depressed. If you are struggling to deal with the emotions and feelings associated with Christmas click below to book an appointment to see how I can help you deal with things differently.
What can trigger depression?
What can trigger depression? Life throws lots of things at us and sometimes we struggle to deal with everything in on go. There are lots of things that can trigger depression and if the original issues, ie. stress, worry etc, are not dealt with, they can manifest into something more debilitating like depression.
Depression is:
- a recognised mental illness
- treatable
- something that can affect anyone at anytime
Depression is not:
- a sign of weakness
- something that you ‘just get over’
- something that lasts forever, but can if it goes untreated
Depression can be triggered by:
- Worry about money, health, jobs, relationships
- Stress created by loneliness, illness
- Loss of job, a relationship, bereavement
If worries or stresses are not dealt with, they can manifest into something more complicated, ie depression. The first you will probably know about being depressed is when you find daily tasks hard work. This can include trouble sleeping or concentrating on everyday tasks. When you are invited to do things, you might decline the offer as you feel you cannot be bothered.
What can trigger depression and how it can be treated?
Depression is something that can be treated by either medication or talking therapies. In talking therapies, I will offer you a non-judgmental space to explore how you feel. It is a space, where you can say how you feel and explore your current struggles. As part of the journey, we will explore what has triggered these current feelings and the impact this is having on you. This will allow us to look at ways to learn how to deal with them differently. Unfortunately, this is not an overnight fix, but a journey, which we will go on together.
On this journey, we will look at the way you react and deal with things on a daily basis and look at the impact of this on your day to day life. We look at ways for you to learn to deal with things differently. Sometimes when you are emotionally involved in a situation you cannot see a way to deal with things differently. You have always done things in a certain way, why would I think there is another way to deal with things? Getting another person’s perspective on a situation can be a great way to see how you can learn to handle things differently and the benefit of this to you.
If you would like to learn more about dealing with depression, please click the link below to book an initial appointment.
Are you feeling overwhelmed with daily tasks?
Are you feeling overwhelmed with daily tasks? When you start to feel overwhelmed, dealing with daily tasks can be like climbing Mount Everest. If you ignore these feelings, it can turn into depression. Depression can affect anyone at any time. You can start to feel that you are not getting any pleasure out of anything that you do. The things that you used to enjoy doing have become hard work.
Current worries
Covid-19 has bought lots of worries that we may not have thought about before. We are currently under another lockdown and we cannot visit our family and friends.
Alongside trying to understand the lockdown rules, there are worries about jobs and paying bills. At this time of year, people start to think about Christmas and how they are going to manage it. When job security is not there, you want to give your family a proper Christmas but you are not sure how you are going to achieve it.
People start to look towards other ways of getting money to be able to provide things for Christmas. People look at loans, which come with their own level of worry. People worry about what other people will think if they do not have all the latest presents and tech for Christmas.
How worries can affect you
These worries can affect your mental health and can start to make you feel very sad, which eventually can lead to depression. You may not feel able to speak to your partner about the way you feel. You may feel pressured to deal with this on your own, rather than sharing your concerns and worries with someone.
This is where I can come in. I can help you explore how you feel and look for other options to be able to deal with these worries. I can teach you skills that will help you deal with this and similar situations in the future differently. Once you have learnt how to deal with things differently, you will feel more able to cope.
If you would like to learn how to deal with things differently, click on the link below to book an appointment.