Fear of social situations can prevent people from enjoying their life. Would you like to know how I can help you deal with social anxiety?
Fiona came to me, saying that she felt very uncomfortable in social situations. She worried about going and what would happen when she was there. Would people speak to her? Would people like her?
What Fiona wanted to do differently
Fiona wanted to be able to go to social events, live in the moment, and enjoy them.
We explored how Fiona felt and acted in social situations. Fiona explained that she always talked a lot and felt that she had to keep everyone entertained. The reason for this was, “If I am entertaining people will like me. ”
After the social event, Fiona would get home exhausted. She would lie awake worrying what people had thought about her, and if she had upset or offended anyone with her conversation. This was becoming very exhausting, and Fiona was not enjoying any of the social events she went to.
We explored why Fiona felt the need to entertain everyone. It came down to the fact that if Fiona was talking or doing her ‘Song and Dance Act’ as we called it, people would not be able to ask her questions about herself. Fiona began to realise that it was her lack of self-confidence that led her to behave this like.
Learning how to do things differently
The challenge here was for Fiona to like herself and accept that she is a good enough person. We needed Fiona to be able to accept that people would like her for the person she is rather than the things she says or does.
We set a couple of goals for Fiona to try the next time she went out. These goals were, observe others in the group and see how they interact. Try to embrace the silence in conversations, you do not have to fill them all the time. Fiona also agreed to leave her ‘dance shoes’ in the wardrobe, and not do her song and dance act.
Fiona tried these goals and on her next time out. She found it difficult as it was doing the opposite of what she would normally do. She found that she was not so exhausted when she got home and she wasn’t replaying the evening’s events when she went to bed. This was a great achievement for Fiona. She had been able to go out and enjoy a social event.
We continued to work together and she did occasionally revert to type and do the song and dance act. She didn’t beat herself up for reverting to type but used it as a learning curve. She realised this wasn’t going to be an overnight fix but something that she would have to work with on a longer-term basis.